fuckedintheeye

mama said there would be days like this

2007-08-30T14:40:01Z

boy did she.

this has got to be the worse month ever. Ben and I broke up...yet again. But I think this time it's for good. Emotionally I can't handle going back and forth in this relationship. I love him so much and some times I doubt he even cares how I feel.

He already has a new girlfriend...I found that out not even a week after we broke up. My friends are stuck on the concept that he was cheating on me because he has cheated on me before but I just don't even want to think about it. Honestly, I'm scared to admit that if he came back to me, I probably would take him back. I love him so much. Probably more than I love myself.

crazy

2007-06-14T23:28:33Z

people are fucking CRAZY!

The past few days I've been totally drained. I don't know if its my meds or what. But fuck. I feel like I'm waking up from a coma.

This summer sucks ass, but I'm getting to spend time with my cousin from trinidad and that is fucking awesome. I take that back. This summer isnt so bad. Im getting to bond with my family and my friends that are practically my family and thats making this the best year ever.

fuck fake friends :))

fuckedintheeye @ 2007-05-01T13:05:00

2007-05-01T18:09:50Z

ok so. things have changed ALOT.
im moving ...hopefully. very soon to corpus christi, texas.
i cant wait to get out of LA.
the only thing really keeping me sane is music and my friends ((jackie, chris, and ben))
school's almost done for me.
when i say done...i mean like a year.
and then i get my degree.
i feel like that chinese lady on "dude wheres my car" who keeps saying ..."and then...and then...and then..."
haha
i feel like im neverr gonna finish with fucking school.
fuck.

fuckedintheeye @ 2006-10-04T20:08:00

2006-10-05T01:10:08Z

IM at work. ohhhh patient transporting, the excitement of it all.

my money is going toward traveling and moving out. :)))

<333 I cant wait.

fuckedintheeye @ 2006-09-12T10:51:00

2006-09-12T16:04:31Z

well...since I dont have a myspace anymore...hello livejournal!

myspace is so fucking retarded. there is SO much drama. people try and hook up with you E.V.E.N T.H.O.U.G.H. they have NEVER met you and they dont even know you. you're friends will start acting like zombies, it's like MYSPACE controls their lives.

So.. I deleted mine.

catch-up!

2006-07-28T22:23:37Z

well lets see, i havent written in this shit FOREVER, but myspace is down so. I guess this will do. Magi is asleep so Im waiting for her to wake up. uhm what do you guys think of movies that are out?? they have alot of them huh? shortage of caash is the problem. ::sigh:: I guess I'll have to pull that extra money outta my ass. mhm. Ben's in Kansas working at Oilind and I fucking hate it. I never get to see him. When he gets back were rushin to move in together. EXXXXCITED! God I love that boy. So this is what I've been doing...

fuckedintheeye @ 2006-02-17T11:28:00

2006-02-17T17:32:08Z

why do I even have a journal?
its not like I use it.

well, last night me and Ben went to go see final destination 3. while we were waiting for it to start Jack called me and she said her and Chris were gonna hang out. Well, they ended up coming to the movie with us. It was really cool. haha Ben and Jack ended up talking about stupid shit the whole movie and we goofed off and pissed some people off but whatever it was alot of fun. I miss hanging out with Jack.

I have court on Tuesday and Im kind of nervous but theres not much I can do now.

Schools going really good. Im gonna take some summer classes so Im not going to Trinidad this summer. My mom and Avinaashi are though.

Just me and my dad. All summer. Wow. Who knows how thats gonna go.

Not much to say.

Most of the people that read this know whats going on in my life so theres no need to type it.

fuckedintheeye @ 2006-02-06T08:13:00

2006-02-06T14:14:21Z

You're everything
That's why I cling to you
When I emerge
My thoughts converge to you
To you
The world is so small
Compared to you
And everybody's wrong
Compared to you
To you
I begin to see through your eyes
All the former mysteries are no surprise
So now, you listen
Cuz I'm omniscient
Hey look at me lady
I'm just a little baby
You're lucky to have me
I'm cute and sweet as candy
As charming as a fable
I'm innocent and disabled
So hug me and kiss me
Then wipe my butt and piss me
I hope you never leave
Cuz who would hear me scream?
Nobody understands
Except the toys in my hands
So now you listen
Cuz I'm omniscient
Hey look at me lady
I'm just a little baby
If I smile, then you smile
Then I'll get mad for awhile
I melt in your mouth
And in your hands whenever I can
But I really do nothing
Except kickin' and fussin'
I like to make a mess
I laugh at your distress
I sit all day in my crib
Absorbing all you give
I'm helpless
I'm flawless
I'm a machine
Give me, I need my toys...
Keep me hot
Keep me strong
Keep me everlong
So now you listen
Cuz I'm omniscient

SCHOOL...yay?

fuckedintheeye @ 2006-01-30T11:20:00

2006-01-30T17:20:27Z

IT'S A CHOCLATE CITY!!

fuckedintheeye @ 2006-01-25T11:41:00

2006-01-25T17:50:04Z

well, let's see.

It's 11:41 and I'm at school in the good Ol' ALC

I dont have my next class until 2 and I dont wanna leave campus because I know how I am...

If I leave now, I wont come back for class haha. Damn late hour math class.

My math class is actually kinda fun
I sit next to this really short muslim lady and shes really cute, she always asks me for help.

and this cute guy sits right across from me. And my teacher is insane so class goes by pretty fast. Its just that its so late.

But after class today, I'm going with my mom and Anjali to dye my hair!

I'm not sure what color yet

whoo-hoo!!

Tomorrow IS 80's nite...I'm still going Jackie, be proud of me!! Anjali likes you and shes exxcited about it...hm

anyways,yeah hair dyed tonite,80s nite tomorrow...Friday who knows...school shit now! someone save me!

fuckedintheeye @ 2006-01-23T14:08:00

2006-01-23T20:11:46Z

blah.

rain + cold

my head hurts so bad.

work sucks.

school sucks.

everything sucks.

fuckedintheeye @ 2006-01-12T13:36:00

2006-01-12T19:39:40Z

Your Birthdate: October 1

You are a natural born leader, even if those leadership talents haven't been developed yet.
You have the power and self confidence to succeed in life, and your power grows daily.
Besides power, you also have a great deal of creativity that enables you to innovate instead of fail.
You are a visionary, seeing the big picture instead of all of the trivial little details.

Your strength: Your supreme genius

Your weakness: Your inappropriate sensitivity

Your power color: Gold

Your power symbol: Star

Your power month: January

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

tonite, I'm hanging out with my girls. I miss them loads. it's been weeks since we've had a girls night out....ugh! this weekend me and my baby are secluding ourselves from the world. pretty much like we do every week!! <3 I don't know what I would do with my girls. They complete me.

fuckedintheeye @ 2006-01-11T10:37:00

2006-01-11T16:45:39Z

ok. well, last night I went with Ben to see, "Fun with Dick and Jane". I expected it to be so much funnier. It was a good movie but it was like a family movie, with a moral and shit. lol. I think I'm getting use to those movies with sex and violence and no point. I like movies like that. Oh well. Tomorrow I'm going out with my girlies. I miss them so much. It feels like I havent seen them in years. I'm not sure what were doing but whatever. Then we start school on Tuesday...blah! I could do without that shit. I have to go to court on the 21st of Feb with Ben. I might have to pay a large fine and I'm kind of scared but I deserve it. Anyways...I guess I'm do some work. Why am I lying? lol...

VICTORY

2006-01-09T19:14:17Z

This weekend was the best!!

Friday night I went out with Ben and we went to see HOSTEL. Fucking Awesome movie! Which reminded me why I love Quentin Tarantino so much. His movies are so raw and they have so much sexuality and profanity and blood and guts and I LOVE IT! hahah. It wasnt scary at alll but it was so gory!

Saturday, Ben got off work at 2 and we went to visit Brittany at work and I havent seen her in so long, I miss her so fucking much but shes coming back to school this semester so it'll be cool. After that we went to petland and took some pictures with the puppies. I played with a British Bulldog and Ben played with a female Great Dane, she was beautiful. After that, we went to Target to blow time and I found myself buying a DVD called "decoding the DiVinci Code" lol. We went to eat dinner with Ben's dad, his brother and his HOTT older cousin lol...after that we went back to my house and watched the DVD.

me and the puppy

Sunday...at 5 Ben came over and we went to Texas (me, my mom, Mona, and Ben)...we stopped so much to eat, shop, bullshit around...when we got to Texas we decided that Sunday would be the day that Ben talked to my dad about us getting married. My cousins Natasha and Rishard took me, Ben and Mona to the Galleria and Mona bought Ben a whole new outfit...black slacks, a blue button down shirt, a tie that matched the shirt, some black dress shoes and Ben cut all of his hair off. DRASTIC MEASURES!!

my baby's makeover

EVERYONE loved it, I was just in shock. When we got home, My dad was like "BEN!??" LOL...And Ben told my dad he wanted to talk to him...and my dad said ok. Well to make a long story short. We're getting married! I love my ring so much!! I sleep in it =) It's beautiful. 9 diamonds. White gold. HOTT! I love my baby.

fuckedintheeye @ 2006-01-06T12:08:00

2006-01-06T18:10:23Z

WELL, thank god it's friday.

I finally figured out how to use my digi cam.

Mona's visiting from Cali. I miss her so much =(.

Ben is so psyched about the ring...blah

I'm glad its the weeeknd.

Be safe kids.

2nd to last day of 2005

2005-12-30T15:12:02Z

I'm very excited to get this day over with. Today is ME and BEN's 5 mth anniversary. If I wouldnt have broken up with him before it would have been a year and 5mths but whatever. Were gonna spend all of tonite and tomorrow together. Tomorrow is AJ and Laurie's 3mth anniversary and they wanna hang out with me and Ben but I'm not sure if he's gonna go for that. We shall see...tomorrow New Year's Eve!! Whoop Whoop..the levee and such. Hmmmmm

day one

2005-12-27T17:09:46Z

my diet starts today.

fuckedintheeye @ 2005-12-21T09:57:00

2005-12-21T16:11:39Z

hmm, christmas is a few days away. Should I be excited?

Last night...the fatties got together to exchange gifts and eat out. We went to DeAngelos and then starbucks to chill for awhile. It was cool. I got some awesome gifts from my girls. I love them.

I also found out the Jack and I both have to retake our math classes.

It sucks.

I suppose we're gonna take them over the summer with sociology so we won't be too far behind.

My parents want me to transfer to Nicholls in Tibeadeaux...

in the Fall of '06.

Ben and I have decided to get married before I transfer, that way we won't be apart.

My parents are cool with the idea because they don't really want me to move away by myself. We're not gonna have a big wedding now, we're gonna go to the Justice of the Peace and sign the wedding documents stating that we're married and after I finish school and I get my degrees...we'll have a big wedding. Sometime over the summer I'm gonna have to go to Tibedeaux and look for apartments with Ben. He wants to bring his dog Chaos...a fucking 120pd Great Dane,who's gonna get to be 200pds later...if he leaves his dog with his dad, his dad's probably gonna sell it. Ben paid alot of money for it. And his mom has hardly any room for him so I have no clue where we're gonna put this dog. I'm hoping my mom and dad will let us keep Chaos at my house with Bubba.

EEK!! Bubba is already psycho (he chases his tail and bites it really hard, it bleeds alot)...I dont know if him and Chaos will get along.

So much shit is going on, but I'm very happy with my life right now. I only hope nothing ruins it.

fuckedintheeye @ 2005-12-20T09:17:00

2005-12-20T15:25:15Z

yay I'm so happy.

I shouldnt be because me and Ben got arrested Sunday night for being in the park after hours. Got that cop was such a dick. So now we have to go to court on the 21st of February. I hope we dont have to pay a really big fine.

But anyways, back to my happiness. I'm really happy because I talked to Lindsay. She has a myspace and we talked for awhile. I miss her so much. I wish she was back down here =( atleast I have someway of communicating with her. B/c her cellfone is always getting turned off.

Blah. Cold weather makes me sleepy. Damn christmas shit is putting me in debt. I cant wait for the new year to start.

fuckedintheeye @ 2005-12-14T09:57:00

2005-12-14T16:11:51Z

tuesday nite i had the craziest dream: me and ben killed two people and i dug one of their eyes out and cut their head off just for the hell of it...for some reason we left the dead bodies on my bed. We were going to sleep and I could feel her heart beating (the headless one). Ben was sleeping on the side of me. I was in the middle. He kept telling me it was a reflex and it would stop soon. But it didnt. I was so scared. It was weird. I mean, how could they be alive? They had no head.

Anyways.

I got a B on my History exam yesterday and Im sure I Aced my English exam that I took earlier. Today I have a Math exam and Im sure Im gonna bomb it. Ah. I'm really scared but....what else can I do? Nothing. I'll find someway to cheat. All will be fine.

Yesterday was cool...I got to spend the whole day with Ben after my test. We bought the 40year old virgin and hung out at his mom's new house.Ahhh I want a Sneusuel puppy from Petland. They're so cute, BUT they cost $900.00, my dad said I could get one but if he buys it I have to pay him back. Ugh!! I guess I'm not getting one lol. Monday night my mom told me that she's ok with me and Ben moving in together....she just wants me to stay in school and keep working with my dad. I'm not gonna rush out of the house though because I don't wanna have to rely on anyone for anything. We're just really happy to know she's on our side.

I'm so excited...no more school for awhile. This semester was ok. I'm ready for the Spring. Just not right now.

fuckedintheeye @ 2005-12-06T10:39:00

2005-12-06T16:39:46Z

sleepy sleepy

fuckedintheeye @ 2005-12-05T14:21:00

2005-12-05T20:34:03Z

i hurt.

so much shit to do.

exams are next week,

i cant wait to get out of this shit hole.

my lack of caring this week has INCREASED.

I dont care what anyone has to say anymore.

fuckedintheeye @ 2005-12-01T09:12:00

2005-12-01T15:20:56Z

You Are 21 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

I don't know why I'm so fucking cold
I don't know why its hurts me
All I wanna is get with you
and make the pain go away
Why do I have a conscience?
All it does is fuck with me
Why do I have this torment?
All I wanna do is fuck it away

I tell my lies, and I despise
every second I'm with you
So I run away
and you still stay
So what the fuck is with you?
Your feelings
I can't help but rape them
I'm sorry, I don't feel the same
My heart inside is constantly hating
I'm sorry, I just throw you away

When will i get a break?

2005-11-30T21:00:05Z

tired.

christmas shopping tonite.

chapter 6 paper due friday.
verbal exam for history friday.
math chapter 5 test friday.

payday TODAY!!

fuckedintheeye @ 2005-11-28T14:44:00

2005-11-28T21:00:49Z

people do change.

today Jack and I decided to eat lunch together, for some reason it felt like it's been forever. I guess because Thanksgiving shit just took a big hole out of my life. Well, we talking about people.

Holly told me awhile back that she saw Snook at the mall, she didnt specify which mall. But me and Jack saw Snook at the new mall awhile back too. He didn't talk to me. But I know he saw me. Because I saw him.

Me and Jack were just talking about him. And wondering where he was working because when we saw him, he was dressed up, his hair was cut really low. Curiousity. Well, after lunch we decided to walk around because I T H O U G H T the sweets from heaven store was moved to a different location but I was sadly mistaken. Instead of getting my somewhat sweet yet sourly delicious candy...I got Snook.

Me and Jack saw him coming up the escaloter. He looked at me so WEIRD!! It seems as though hes working at AEROPOSTLE. HA! What a sell out. Anyways, Jack said I was a bitch for not hugging him. And I probably am. But no one understands because Snook was my first real guy best friend and he meant a lot to me. But all he does now is LIE. He lies to everyone and he changes who he is all the time. I understand that growing up makes you change but he lies and that hurts. When he looked at me its like he looked down at me. The way all those preps at RHS did. I cant stand that. Im not gonna let one of my "friends" look down at me like theyre better than me. Thats not a fucking friend.